American Christmas (Dreamers) Read online

  “God that was ten out of ten Christmas morning sex,” I declared with my eyes still closed. “I’m going to file a motion to make this a yearly tradition.”

  He grinned and leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose. This was also why I loved him. Ari could go from fucking me within an inch of my life to achingly sweet seamlessly, and I was obsessed with all of it.

  “Duly noted. I would also like for the record to show that this change of the morning schedule was not initially embraced by all parties.” I had my eyes closed, but I could hear the smile on Ari’s face.

  I felt so fucking happy and I almost regretted not keeping things simple with the presents. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, and I knew Ari sometimes didn’t deal well with surprises. But I wasn’t going to doubt myself on this, it was a great present and he was going to fucking love it.

  “Did you fall asleep, bébé?”

  I smiled at the endearment and turned when I felt him move next to me. “Oh no, I was just catching my breath. It’s present time, dammit.” I was impressed when my nerves didn’t come through in my voice and noticed that he was looking a little...sheepish. Maybe even worried?

  Wait. Maybe he figured out that I’d totally ignored our ground rules. I opened my mouth, deciding to confess before we got on with things, but he spoke first.

  “I kind of broke our small gift rule.” He had a rueful expression on his face I had never quite seen before, and he rubbed the palm of one hand to the back of his head, a clear indication he had been up to something.

  Chapter Seven

  Yin

  “Okay,” I answered slowly as I tried to gauge what that could mean. He was making eye contact, so it couldn’t be that he had forgotten to get me something and ended up going for a lastminute.com whatever at the mall. But Ari did not break rules so I honestly had no idea what to expect, and I could definitely not do this naked. “Let’s put on some clothes. It seems sort of awkward to open presents in the nude. Right?”

  “Uh, yeah, especially because I know that you’ll want to get some pics for your sisters.” Ari shuddered at that, and I had to grin.

  “And for Insta,” I informed him and he cringed, looking down at his nakedness. “Yeah let’s put some clothes on,” he said, reaching for his long-sleeved T-shirt which was by the foot of the bed. I sat up and quickly moved to get our pajamas which were now all over the bed and floor. I almost suggested that we eat breakfast first, but stopped myself.

  I was avoiding giving him his presents. I was all self-conscious now about going overboard. Because even if he had gotten me something nicer than expected, it might still not be as expensive as what I’d bought for him. I worried he’d feel terrible when I started pulling out boxes with hundreds of—okay, thousands—worth of soccer gear.

  I’d just finished buttoning my pajama shirt when he hugged me from behind. I could feel the smile that he pressed to my neck, and again that almost sick feeling of anticipation with a bit of dread swirled in my belly as he whispered, “So much restraint, bébé. I thought you’d have all the gifts lined up and ready to open by now.”

  “The gifts are not everything, being together is what matters,” I offered, wrapping my arms around his.

  “You’re right,” he said with a nod as he continued to press kisses to my neck. This man made me feel so loved. Like I was the most important thing in the world. I thought about that feeling last night at dinner with our friends and family, and how connected to Ari I’d felt. Like there was no one in this world who knew me better than he did. That there was no one who would ever know me like Ari did. I knew I could trust that, even if my brain had decided the gift I’d been planning for the last six months was a terrible idea.

  I took a deep breath, and told myself he would love it. The most important thing was that we had the kind of Christmas morning neither of us could’ve imagined for ourselves when we met three years ago. No matter what we’d gotten each other, the greatest gift really was the life that we had. Bolstered by those thoughts I peeled his hands off my torso, and pulled him by the hand to the little tree that we’d put in our living area. We both sank down on the rug with our legs crossed, like overgrown kids.

  There was more to open than just what we’d gotten each other. We had stuff from coworkers, friends and family, but I’d set ours apart clustered together on one side. Mine a tower of three boxes going from biggest to smallest, wrapped in various color schemes and with way too much ribbon. His was only the one box, but it was hand painted and looked too pretty to just discard. I hadn’t been able to peek in and look at it because he’d wrapped it tightly with a red satin ribbon, and even had glued a sprig of fake mistletoe to it.

  I pointed at it. “This is a very impressive wrapping job, Aristide.”

  “Carmen helped me,” he said, a bit too bashfully for there not to be a story there.

  “Ah.” That made a lot more sense. My man had many talents, but excelling at tasks that involved runs to the local arts and crafts store was not one of them. “It’s beautiful.”

  He reached over and picked it up, placing it on my lap, and I hefted the—now that I thought about it, truly over the top—tower of boxes so that they were right in front of him.

  “You go first,” we both said at the same exact time and that elicited a round of giggles.

  I shook my head and extended a hand. “You, Ari.”

  We stayed like that for a moment, neither of us willing to move until finally Ari made a suggestion. “Why don’t we open at the same time?”

  I once again told the butterflies in my stomach that just would not quit to settle down and exhaled. “Okay.”

  I gestured toward the three parcels he had to open and pointed at the bottom one. “Start with that one and make your way up.”

  He nodded, but his brow was furrowed, looking at the thing like it was a Jenga tower. “Where do I pull?”

  I grinned, because it did look kind of complicated. “The ribbon at the top. Unlike you, I didn’t hot glue mistletoe to the ribbon.”

  He smiled and I smiled back, starting to feel excited to see him finally open them. Hell, he had the cleats I’d gotten him as his iPhone home background picture. “Okay, ready?” He nodded and I counted to three, and got busy with my box while he unpacked his.

  My heart started beating for a moment when I wondered if the box was smaller because there was some jewelry in it. Maybe a ring. No, Ari knew me enough to know that when the time came for that, I would need Mariah Carey levels of fancy—like live butterflies and holograms—Champagne and a smoke machine at the very least. But the box was so elegant it had to be something awesome. I lifted the lid and found a large envelope with my name written on the back.

  I pulled it out carefully and looked up at the exact moment Ari breathed out, “Superflys...in gold.” I grinned at the wonder on his face, and almost sagged with relief. “How did you even find these? The last time I looked for them they were sold out everywhere.”

  I lifted a shoulder, trying to be coy. “I have my ways.” I was not going to say I special ordered them from an eBay seller in Germany that charged me a fortune. But the way he lifted one of the shoes like it was Cinderella’s crystal slipper was worth every cent. I gestured to the other two boxes, eager to see his reaction after opening those. “You have to see the rest. It’s a whole set.”

  He raised an eyebrow like he didn’t quite get what I was saying. “You got me more than this? But—”

  I knew what he was thinking, that the cleats were already a lot more than what we’d agreed to spend. To my surprise he didn’t push, or even get into the price. He just pointed at the envelope in my hand with a smile.

  “You first.” I looked down at it and turned it over, running my finger under the seal to get it open. Whatever was in there it was enough to make the envelope feel stuffed.

  “So much security,” I teased, but he didn
’t even crack a smile, his eyes fixed on my hands. I stopped to look at him, because I could swear he was holding his breath. I finally lifted the flap so I could see inside and the first thing I noticed was that there were two tickets.

  My heart raced, excited even before I saw what it was. I loved musicals and in the last couple of years I’d gotten Ari into them too. We’d seen a few at the Hangar Theatre in town which sometimes had productions in the summer, and had even gone to Binghamton and Corning to see some shows. “What are we going to see?” I asked with my heart suddenly in my throat.

  Ari gave a nod in encouragement and I plucked out the tickets. “What?” I said breathlessly, not even really asking a question, but not knowing what else to say. I read the words again because I was sure I missed something. “Are you serious? Hamilton on Broadway? Orchestra?” That last word, I actually yelled out and then flung myself at him. “Ari! Oh my god. How did you even get tickets?”

  He laughed as we tumbled on the ground, rolling on top of the wrapping paper and shoving the unopened boxes aside as I kissed him silly. “I can’t believe it. Ari!” I kept screaming and kissing him.

  “You haven’t seen the rest of the gift,” my boyfriend said, barely able to contain his own laughter as I flopped on top of him, pressing my lips on every part of his face I could reach.

  I pulled back in a daze, feeling a bit floaty from the excitement. This was something I’d been dreaming about for years, and didn’t think we’d be able to do it anytime soon. Which, now that the rush of blood to my head from literally having my dreams come true had subsided, made me wonder how Ari had paid for this...

  I didn’t ask, not wanting to make any assumptions. Maybe he’d won them in the lottery, but you still had to pay for those. Ari’s budget was...tight. With the move to Syracuse looming and his soccer clinic, I wondered how he’d managed the tickets too. I knew the only way I had been able to swing his gift was the hockey camp gig. I pulled out the rest of the papers from the envelope and started to read.

  “You got us a hotel reservation in Bryant Park?” I asked breathlessly, my voice going higher with every question.

  But he just nodded nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t going through my entire bucket list in one go. “The skating rink should still be open. And we’re right next to the library.” My heart squeezed in my chest and the excitement at this point was so all-encompassing I felt like there was an electric current under my skin.

  I almost felt detached from it. It was too much to process at once. I’d gone to New York City in the six years we’d been in the States, but only a couple of times. Never for fun. Once was to go figure out something with our immigration process, and another to visit some distant family friends that were in town from California. But this was the kind of trip to the city that I’d been dreaming about for years.

  “This is incredible, Ari, how did you manage all this?” He shook his head and smiled but the way he averted his eyes told me that I would not love the answer to the question.

  “Read that one.” He gestured to the second sheet of paper. It was a reservation for a Japanese tea house that I obsessively kept up with on Instagram. Of course it fucking was.

  “Oishī too?” This was too much, there was no way he could pay for all this and still... “Ari—

  I was about to ask again how he’d pulled all this off, when I noticed the dates on the papers. “Wait, these dates are during February break.” Shit, I had the hockey camp then. I could not back out, and wasn’t that... I sat up immediately, realizing Ari was still not looking at me, and a hole opened in my stomach. “What about Arizona?”

  The radiant smile that had been there just a second before slid off his face, and he kept looking down, focusing on the unopened boxes that held the rest of his present. “Ari?” I didn’t need to even say it. He was supposed to be at the soccer clinic in Arizona that week. The clinic that I’d bought him all this gear and a plane ticket for. My heart thumped in my chest when Ari still wouldn’t look at me and focused on riffling through the box his cleats had come in.

  My mouth felt numb when I opened it and my words sounded wooden when I finally said them. “The smallest box has your plane ticket to Arizona. You’re supposed to leave two days before Hamilton.”

  That made him finally snap his head up, and his face was ashen, clearly realizing, like I had, that we had really messed up these gifts. “I’m not going to Arizona. I gave up my spot at the clinic.”

  Ari

  “You did what? Ari!” Yin’s face was mottled with red, which usually meant he was seconds from crying. I could not fucking believe we’d managed to ruin our presents for each other this bad. I felt the excitement from just seconds before turn to lead in my belly. I thought I’d gotten things perfect, but the way Yin was looking at me told a different story.

  “It took you weeks to get those tryout videos ready. You literally danced around the house for an hour when you got the email saying you got into the camp.”

  I stared at Yin, not sure what to say, watching him get more upset with every passing second. “Ari, one of Mbappé’s coaches is going to be there.”

  Every word from Yin was like a needle prick. Because of course he was right, I’d talked about applying for that clinic for almost a year. He and I had spent hours and hours at Cass Park getting footage of my plays. Because I’d told him it was my dream and he wanted to help me get there.

  “I don’t need to go to that clinic, and I wanted to do this for you,” I said weakly, gesturing to the envelope and papers in his hand.

  Yin’s face was always like an open book. I could see what he was feeling easily. But this expression he had now, this was shuttered and closed. Like he didn’t want me to see what was going on inside. That was something that had never happened between us. Not even when we were only friends, and there had been too much we were trying to hide from each other. He would always let me see him.

  I held the box containing the cleats I’d been hoping to get for almost a year limply in my hands, afraid to say anything else. Knowing every word would sink us further down into a fight that would ruin the day. But Yin was always a lot bolder than I was when it came to these things. He had no patience for brooding, and he refused to let stuff fester. If there was an issue it had to be hashed out in the moment. So he looked me right in the eyes and spoke.

  “If we’re going by need, then I definitely don’t need to go see Hamilton, Ari.” I kept my mouth closed, because what would be the point of arguing that? With every word he said Yin looked closer to tears and when he opened his mouth again, he could barely get the words out. “Ari, why didn’t you tell me?”

  I sighed, turning my head up to the ceiling, trying to figure out how I would say this without digging myself further into a hole. “If I’d told you, then you wouldn’t have let me do it. You would’ve gotten all bent out of shape about how I needed to go to the clinic and I—”

  I could’ve said that I’d decided the clinic wasn’t worth the money or that in the end I didn’t feel like going. But that wasn’t the truth, and what’s more Yin would know that. The truth was I wanted to do something for Yin that no one had ever done for him. I wanted to show him that I was the man of his dreams. I knew that made me prideful, but fuck, I’d just wanted to blow him away. “I would give almost anything to be able to go to Arizona, but I wanted to give this to you more. I wanted—even if just this once—to make your dreams come true.”

  “Having you wake up with me every morning is my dream come true, Ari. And I’d never want something at the expense of your dreams.” He did start sobbing then and I was practically crawling out of my skin to fix it. To make this all stop.

  “We’re always doing what I like, what I want,” Yin protested, the envelope with the gift that I’d meticulously planned now strewn on the floor, the papers crumpled and spread all around him.

  Not exactly how I’d envisioned this moment.
Instead I’d ruined everything. “I wanted to take you to see the show,” I insisted weakly. And Yin shook his head, like that was beside the point.

  “I wanted to give you this.” He gestured to the boxes in front of me. “And I made plans based on the fact that you’d promised me you would sign up for the clinic.”

  My face heated at his words. I hated, fucking hated, that he felt lied to. But I was also angry, because all I was trying to do was keep him happy. For him to know I would always put him first. “I have the right to change my mind, and just because you think I need to do something, doesn’t mean I have to,” I said, now feeling slighted. “Everyone thinks they know what’s best for me. My uncle, my parents, even Nesto and the crew sometimes. I’m so tired of people thinking they know what I need more than I do.” Yin flinched at my words, and I felt like shit. I was being unfair. But fuck, I was hurt and dammit, I knew he was too. He was also right.

  “I just kept thinking how much money I would be spending,” I said with a heavy sigh. I thought of leaning over to wipe the tears that were now flowing from Yin’s eyes, but I didn’t feel like I could. Things between us felt fraught in a way that scared me. I almost told him that the thought of spending so much money on myself was just paralyzing. That I’d given back my spot only days after registering. That I never even got as far as looking for plane tickets, and that for months now every time he’d asked I’d given him platitudes, so I didn’t have to lie.

  “We can still go to the show, Yin. You’ve been wanting this for years. Regardless of me going to the clinic or not, you deserve to do this.”

  He shook his head hard, and ran the back of his hand over his nose, looking like a complete wreck. “I can’t go even if I wanted. I’m contracted to work at the Cornell kids’ hockey camp that week.” He laughed humorlessly, gesturing to the boxes sitting next to me. “That’s how I planned to make back some of the money I spent on the gifts. You know I can’t just back out on Maxine.”